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Building the Kingdom with Arms of Love:
An Interview with Catholic, Canadian Author Carmen Marcoux

by Bobbi

 

Interview done in 2003.

When I first began reading Arms of Love I was immediately drawn into the world of Joanie and Brandon and couldn't put it down until I was done. When I did finish reading I was eager to get to know the author Carmen Marcoux a little better. We began emailing and I have found her to be an incredible woman of God and an inspiration to me as a fellow wife and mother working on an apostolate (granted she does have 5 more children that I do!) Brian and I are excited about helping her promote her new book because we believe its message is desperately needed in our day and age. Whether you are a single person or a parent, Carmen has a message to share with you so sit back and enjoy the interview! (And if you haven't read Arms of Love yet, get a copy!)

 

RoL: Hi Carmen. It's wonderful to have this opportunity to interview you. Please tell us a little about yourself and your background.

Carmen: Thanks, Bobbi. As a new Catholic author, it is wonderful to have the opportunity to share with you. I was born and raised in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. (Which is way up north here in Canada -- and no, we don't live in igloos!) I am the sixth child in a family of seven. Our Catholic faith was always very important to our parents and they passed down that gift to each of us, who are all still practicing Catholics. Like my siblings, I have always been really involved in the Church through music, youth ministries and however else I could get involved at the parish level.

I got my B.Ed. at the University of Saskatchewan, where I also met my husband, James Marcoux and thereby attained my "Mrs.", the degree that comes before my name - one that has served me very well, I might add! We have been blessed with six beautiful children, Hannah, Rebekah, Mikaelah, Jacinta, Matthew and now, baby Gemma, who was born two weeks after my novel came to print. What an exciting and busy time that was!

RoL: Before we talk about the book, why don't you give us a little synopsis of Arms of Love?

Carmen: Arms of Love is the fictional tale set in the 1990's of a young woman, Joanie, and a young man, Brandon, who meet, fall in love and marry. What is special about this tale, though, is that they do not follow a typical course of romance for a couple in the late Twentieth Century. The story Arms of Love reveals how Joanie and Brandon discover the joys and struggles of living out an honorable courtship relationship and how this life of purity blesses them and those around them. It is a tale of holy, God-honoring romance and, above all, it is a message of hope for a world that is dying to hear it!

RoL: What motivated you to write Arms of Love? Have you always had an interest in writing or is this something new to you?

Carmen: I never thought I'd be a writer! Last January I woke up one morning with a dream weighing heavily on my mind. To be honest, I can't even remember the dream. But over the course of the few days following that dream a story began to take form in my mind. I just had to write it down! Finally one Saturday morning (January 19) I sat down and began to write, thinking it would be just a short story. Some 454 pages later when it came in print (December 18) -- it was NOT a short story!

RoL: Is "One Way Publishing House" your own company? What made you decide to self-publish Arms of Love?

Carmen: Yes, WE are One Way Publishing House, although there are days when I feel more like it is One Way CRAZY House! Our decision to self-publish came over a period of time. I had never considered the possibility at first. Then one day my husband, Jim, came home from a teacher in-service put on by some local authors. They had shared about the trials of working with publishers! He felt certain at that time that we could do this together!

What an undertaking that was! We had to learn how to edit. (I read two grammar books last summer from cover-to-cover and I could not put them down! Funny how necessity is such a great motivator!) I had proof-readers helping, advising and editing, after which, I would weigh out their input, revise and then start the process all over again! We had to investigate printers and what my options were. I had to learn how to lay out a book and create a post-script document that could be used by the printers. We had to set up a company and all that is involved with that! We had to acquire a humungous loan -- we are now up to our foreheads in debt! (We had only been up to our eyeballs before we took on this little apostolic venture!) We had to find a graphic designer and work with her to create the cover - which I absolutely love! I had to research all the ins and outs of publishing: credentialing the book, following certain protocols, etc. I even had to learn how to set up and manage a website - which is really quite remarkable for a techno-illiterate like me! And now the marketing - arghhh - sometimes it feels like I should be six persons-in-one!

Every step of the way was a completely new learning process! Yet, the beautiful part was that we were in control of the process and no one could take my book away from me and change it to suit their wishes! I was worth all that just for the autonomy that we experienced in publishing the book that I believe God had called me to write! And, having survived all that, we managed to get the book off to print before baby number six was born - two weeks later! Thanks, Gemma, for waiting!

RoL: Arms of Love brings out the whole concept of courtship. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, what is the difference between courtship and dating?

Carmen: I think the main distinction between courtship and what I call trial-and-error dating is that courtship says: "I'll wait until I am READY to consider marriage before I begin dating. In the meantime, I'll develop the virtue of friendship." When a young person feels ready for marriage, then entering into a romantic relationship takes on a whole new meaning. Courtship says: "We are going to discern whether or not God is calling us to marriage." It is not just a matter of dating for fun - as long as the fun lasts - and then dumping each other and moving on! Dating can be for all kinds of reasons (good or bad). But courtship is focused! The stakes are higher when it comes to courtship, but the rewards are also much greater!

Courtship places the virtues of purity and chastity in the forefront of the relationship. This involves self-discipline and respect for each other. All of these virtues are essential to a good marriage. Courtship is also done in the heart of the family, when at all possible. This lays the groundwork, beautifully, for a life of on-going family support in a marriage. It involves accountability with parents and other responsible, caring adult friends.

These mentor couples help direct the courting couple in their process of discernment. It also really helps to keep them on track in their physical relationship. When a courtship ends in a couple discerning that they are not called to marriage, they can walk away from the relationship without regrets! For those called to marriage, they can enter into marriages with their purity and integrity intact! They are free to live out the incredible covenant of love that God has planned for them without all the emotional baggage and physical damage that can come from serial dating!
Courtship lays a firm foundation for a holy, life-long, God-honoring marriage (filled with romance) - built on the stepping stones of reserving physical affection, practicing self-discipline and dying to self for the sake of the other.

RoL: Some may say that the novel - or the idea of courtship - is a bit idealistic (or even unrealistic) in today's society. How would you respond to that?

Carmen: Idealistic? Perhaps! Isn't the call to Christianity "idealistic" for today's society? I think beyond idealism, the idea of courtship challenges Christians to lay their lives on the line. Courtship is totally counter-cultural and just down-right RADICAL!

It all depends on what you're wanting in life. If you want to have a one-in-a-million kind of marriage, then you are going to have to be a one-in-a-million kind of person! Courtship is not necessarily easy in the short-term, but in the long-run it saves on so much. Couples who choose to court are free from heartbreaks, risk of unplanned pregnancies, risk of STDs, emotional baggage brought into marriage and a life of regrets.

And courtship is really not that unrealistically hard! Those who commit themselves to courtship often find more excitement and way more romance than those couples who don't limit themselves at all. This not only benefits them while preparing for marriage, but it also carries into marriage and blesses them with great, exciting, on-going romance!

Is it unrealistic to think that young people can put courtship into practice in their lives? No! More and more young people are embracing this practice and thriving! We have to be careful not to buy into the media-created notion that everyone out there is "doing it" and that young people are hopelessly "out of control". Everyone is not out there doing it! And young people are COMPLETELY capable of controlling their hormones! We are not animals -- we are human beings! We need to stop allowing "Hollywood" and magazines to reduce us to nothing more than instinct-driven animals!

Arms of Love is a message of hope and encouragement to all who will read it! We CAN rise above what our culture has to offer and we can reap the benefits! Idealism really is not a bad thing! If we never present ideals to our young people, how will they ever know what to strive for? We've just become so accustomed to seeing every moral issue reduced to the lowest common denominator out there in our society that we are caught off-guard when we see something that dares to challenge the status-quo! The time has come to create literature and entertainment that challenges people to raise their standards to God's standards. Holiness is attainable, but it does require sacrifice!

RoL: What would you say to someone who thinks that you cannot know what kind of person you should marry until you date a number of people and interact with different personalities?

Carmen: I think the concern is valid: nobody wants to get married to someone with whom they will not be happy. But why do we think dating is the way to avoid that? Actually, dating blinds us to what we are sincerely seeking in a spouse. But friendship opens our eyes, because it does not involve the same emotional claims on the other person's affection and time.

Cultivate the virtue of friendship with members of the opposite sex while you're young. Enjoy the virtue of sincere and true friendship with many people and you'll have lots of opportunity to see what you're looking for in the person you want to marry.

Over the course of my life I have had many guys for friends and I still have many men whom I consider to be good and trustworthy friends. But I only married one of them - and he's my best friend! Cultivate the virtue of friendship in your life - it is a life skill that will serve you forever.
An important difference between dating and courtship is this: You would never enter into a courtship relationship with someone whom you knew you would not consider marrying. But you might begin dating someone whom you knew you would never marry! The problem is that once a couple becomes emotionally involved (and often physically involved) in a dating relationship, they might suddenly find themselves considering marriage - with someone whom they never would have considered marrying. And sometimes (not always) it ends up in disaster! Just about one-half of all marriages end up in divorce! There's a whole host of reasons for that, but I think it's time that we re-direct young people down a better road than dating as they head towards marriage.

RoL: We get a lot of emails from people who are single and feeling a little discouraged because they haven't found Mr./Mrs. Right yet. Any words of wisdom for them?

Carmen: Many people are nervous with the idea of waiting for dating… "What if I miss out on meeting Mr. Right?!?" But, as Kimberly Hahn says in her audio series on Courtship: "The best way to find Mr. Right, is to stop looking for him!!" Our tendency, though, is to walk around with our hands covering our eyes… and we're constantly peeking out! The truth is, though: It just isn't possible to miss out on meeting "your future" because you went to the laundry mat, instead of the library.

The idea of surrendering your life under Christ's authority and handing over your "dating years" to Him is not easy . . . but it is possible and more and more people out there are doing it!! We need to trust that God has a perfect plan for our lives! He has a perfect plan for you!! Trust God to bring that perfect someone into your life WHEN you are ready for marriage.

RoL: Well, now that I personally am out of the "searching for a spouse stage" (thank God) I have to touch on your married life a bit. I am amazed at the fact that you are a young mom of six children, including a new born (congratulations, by the way!) yet you still found the time to write a 450 pages novel! How did you manage it?

Carmen: By the grace of God! When I look back on the whole experience, much of it is really a blur. The biggest challenge has been to not allow writing, editing, publishing and marketing to take over my more important responsibilities of mothering, educating, tending and raising a family. There were times that I knew it was completely God's grace getting us over hurdles. But, as a family, we all committed ourselves to this apostolate work and my husband and children were really behind me the whole way.

RoL: I also read that you home-school your children. Were you home-schooled yourself? If not, what made you decide to go that route?

Carmen: No, I was not home-schooled. There were many factors into making that decision, but the bottom line was that I love to spend time with my children. I knew the years would go by all too quickly! I wanted to be able to share in their childhood as much as possible. My husband was all for it and we have discovered many blessings along the way.

Home-schooling is not just a preference of how to educate your children - it is a lifestyle. We enjoy the easy pace of setting our own daily routines and adapting them to our family's changing needs. We like to sit back in the mornings and watch the school bus go by, while were all still in our p.j.'s. And, while our children certainly do have their squabbles, as all siblings will, they are truly the best of friends with each other - a bonus of home-schooling that will bless them throughout their lives.

I love the fact that we can share our faith with our children and establish for them a firm foundation before they "go out into the real world". I have seen them grow into bold evangelizers with a great deal of self-assurance and above all, beautiful, inspiring faith. They have not yet had to experience the negativity or hostility of the world toward their Catholic faith and morals. When the roots are deep enough and the stem is strong enough -- we'll send them out there! For now, I'm enjoying each day that I am blessed to have the honor of their presence in our home!

RoL: Besides home-schooling, what other things do you and your husband do to foster a love for Christ and his Church in your children?

Carmen: We believe that fostering a love for Christ and his Church is our most important task as parents. We have found this also to be one of our easiest and favorite aspects of parenting. Children have a natural love for God and are so open and receptive to the truth when it is presented to them with clarity and with charity.

Faith-life is like the pulse of a family. It has to be regular and strong in order for the family to be healthy. At times when we've allowed distractions to interfere with our focus on faith we've seen how the bickering and squabbles easily multiply in our home. When we pump up our prayer life and get refocused on what's important: family life flourishes, the squabbles are fewer and there is peace in our home. And what makes this all work is that we must remember to keep Jesus as the heart of our home! After all, it is the heart that drives the pulse!

Family prayer time is an important way to keep us close. We gather each night to pray as a family. Mealtime prayers are often an opportunity to reflect on the day and what's been happening in our lives and in the world and to lift these intentions to the Lord. We regularly offer up novenas for special intentions - which helps us to keep the rosary central in our prayer life.

We are very involved in our parish community. The faith community I describe in my book is modeled after the community we experience at Church - which I know is rather exceptional for a Catholic parish. The influence of this awesome community for our children is far-reaching. They see the Catholic culture as the norm, because the majority of people they know and associate with are Catholic. Their best friends are from church and so they experience the positive peer support to be Catholic and to openly express their faith with their friends. They look forward to Sunday mass and any other occasion we have to gather as a community. Sunday is reserved as a special day - free of work and enjoyed by gathering with family and friends and our worshipping community. Our children always look forward to Sundays!

We also try to attend weekday mass whenever we can -- but as a homeschooling mother of six, living out in the country, I find it a challenge to attend daily. Still, our older children have a great love for the mass and are always eager to attend. Our younger children are normal - they get fidgety and bounce around in the pew and are hard to contain. They have not yet learned the importance or value of the mass, but that will come in time.

We try to get to confession monthly - but we are not always consistent with that, either. However, we have tried to make the experience of going to confession very positive, emphasizing the great opportunity it presents to us to receive God's grace and to get our souls washed clean again.

We love discussing the faith in our home. A great benefit to home schooling is all the wonderful conversations I can have with my children throughout the course of the day. We read about the saints together and discuss their lives - my children have a beautiful devotion to the saints and are so keenly aware of their lives and the examples they give to us of holiness. I believe setting these models before our children is one of the greatest ways to encourage them (and ourselves) to strive to be holy. Being holy and desiring to be a saint isn't a matter of trying to be "better" than others - it is the way to give glory to God through our lives!

As a family we strive for holiness and a rich faith-life. Do we always succeed? No, we OFTEN fall short of the mark! But what is important is that the mark is there - the standard is high and it keeps challenging us to go higher!

RoL: What is the most important thing in your life that helps you to live as a woman of God in your vocation as wife and mother?

Carmen: Sleep!?!? Actually, I don't get enough of that. (My mother-in-law always says that when her children were young she thought heaven was a place where you'd go and sleep all night! I'm with her!) Seriously, though, apart from all of what I described above for our family, I take every opportunity I can to learn about my faith, either through reading or listening to audio tapes. I have an insatiable appetite to learn - but very limited time. I try to make time to read Scripture - but regrettably don't do enough of that, either.

I am a very sociable person and need contact with others. This is a challenge for a stay-at-home mom. But, I have found the encouragement and support I get from our community of faith is vital to my life as a woman of God… which is where Sunday visiting comes in really handy! I have also participated in FAMILIA for the past two years. In this program we study encylicals of the Church and the Catechism and reflect on the Sunday gospel reading. I've really enjoyed the program and the opportunity to meet and discuss the faith with other Catholic women.

Time alone in quiet prayer is essential. Adoration time is so precious to me, but alas, not often enough. But I do find time alone during the day, most days, to pray. (Often while nursing a baby to sleep!) I also try to get to a retreat at least once a year. I have taken in different retreats over the years -- all with different benefits. My favorite, though, was a silent retreat. There is nothing like two days spent in silence to help bring Christ back into focus!

And what is of utmost importance in my life, yet so often overlooked due to the busyness, is taking time with my husband to keep our marriage focused on Christ. We took in a Catholic Marriage Conference last year, with Christopher West speaking on the Theology of the Body. It was an amazing weekend - I strongly encourage others to take any opportunity they can to hear Christopher West speak on "The Good News about Sex and Marriage".

There is always the issue of seeking a balance, as a mother of a busy household: to be a good wife and mother, to be active in a community (both giving and receiving), and to seek time alone in prayer so as to remain focused on Christ. Now I'm trying to add in with all those factors being an author!
It has been more than a challenge to find the proper balance and I certainly do not keep it perfectly. I have ups and downs along this pilgrim journey - but through it all, God remains constant: faithfully, lovingly leading me along as I earnestly seek to do His Will.

RoL: Are there any projects for the future?

Carmen: Arms of Love was a beginning, but it isn't complete! There are at least two other books to follow it - if I ever get the chance to get them out of my head and write them down! (We need to see Brandon and Joanie living out married life and I would like to set out more examples of courtship relationships as the series goes on.) The problem is now that I know how much work it is, I can no longer step into the process blindly. So, I'm waiting until God shows us that it's the right time to take up the challenge of writing another novel. If He wants them out there, He'll find a way to make it happen.

From the response I've received so far with Arms of Love, there is a hunger out there for novels such as this. It is always exciting to see Catholic culture promoted through literature. While I hope to get the opportunity to write a few more novels in my life, I pray that there will be more and more Catholic authors out there blessing our culture with good books.

For those who have read Arms of Love and are looking for more, please pray for me and my family as we struggle through the challenges of this new apostolic work for our family! I believe God has given me the gift and opportunity to write and I sincerely hope to continue to do this work for the building of His Kingdom. Along the way, though, I still need to keep changing diapers, cleaning house and preparing meals for my family… oh yes, and educating my children as well! Please pray for us to have the wisdom to keep it all in balance, according to God's Will.

RoL: Any last comments?

Carmen: Thank you, Bobbi, for giving me this opportunity to share with you and your readers. I'm really excited about the whole "Culture of Life" that is springing forth in our Church. There truly is a "Revolution of Love" taking place and sweeping our world. People like you, promoting this movement, are such a blessing to our culture. I am grateful for your help in promoting Arms of Love and all it stands for. Be assured that we will keep you, your family and your ministry in our prayers!

RoL: Thank you so much, Carmen, for taking time out of your busy life to talk to us. I am so pleased that God brought our lives together and I look forward to helping you promote your book!

 

Catholic writer Carmen Marcoux is the author of the novel Arms of Love, as well as a wife and home-schooling mother of six. She and her husband James live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada with their children - Hannah, Rebekah, Mikaelah, Jacinta, Matthew and Gemma. She can be reached at www.courtshipnow.com. Carmen's book Arms of Love can be purchased in the RoL Marketplace.

Update (2007) - Carmen has since had two more children - Benjamin and Jacob - and has written a sequel to Arms of Love. Her new novel Surrender can be purchased at the RoL Marketplace.