Revolution of Love.com
Organizing Your Spiritual Life: Part II
by Bobbi
I was intrigued when I read Brian's article on organizing your spiritual life and I completely agree with him, particularly the need to be organized and consistent. Since this is an area I've been working on lately I thought I would add my two cents and offer suggestions of just how to organize. Personally I am a big fan of the Franklin Covey planners* and found them very adaptable to my life as a stay at home mom. I recall someone asking me, "What do you need a planner for? You don't work anymore; you stay at home with Bella." Yes, but I have to schedule the day right so I have plenty of time to loaf around and watch soaps. Ahem!
To be honest, I don't have any potential clients to share lunch with or high powered meetings to attend but I do have a marriage to nurture, a child (soon to be “children”) to care for, a household to manage, a website to run, school projects to work on, apostolates to participate in and a spiritual life to foster. It may not seem like much to someone else but it has all the potential for stressing me out! I get frustrated when I feel like I have too much to do and seemingly, not enough time to do it!
Unfortunately, often the first thing on my list of "to-do’s" that is neglected is fostering my spiritual life. Yet, as Brian reminds me repeatedly, this is my first priority! He says in his article, "You may want to include in your plan: the holy rosary, meditation on the Scriptures, your morning offering and the examination of conscience before retiring." My rosary is done together with Brian, so that's not a problem, but here's how I tackled the rest.
Problem: I get up in the morning thinking about what I have to do that day. I quickly try to get ready before Bella wakes. Bella wakes just as I step out of the shower. I hastily say a quick prayer to endure the day ahead of me.
Solution: I have found that whether I am home all day with Bella or taking her to school, I need to wake up a half-hour to an hour before she did. I make the sign of the cross and a brief morning offering before getting out of bed. I shower and get ready while Bella is still sleeping (with a baby monitor in the bathroom). Then I usually spend anywhere from 10 - 30 minutes on my morning prayers – short formal prayer, reading the Gospel of the day and then talking to God about how to apply to Gospel to my life, specifically that day. To close, I chose one small resolution I can complete that day to put it into practice. Then I briefly review over my planner and the activities for the day and make a mental note of what needs to be done first. At this point Bella is usually awake and ready to roll, but at least I am in the right frame of mind to handle it, knowing that I have placed it all in God’s hands first.
Problem: Bella wakes up early or I have been up all night and if I don’t sleep in, I won’t be able to function the next day.
Solution: Now that I am pregnant, I spend many nights getting up at 2 AM to use the bathroom. Once I get out of bed, it takes me hours to fall back asleep and I land out oversleeping in the morning. I compensate by doing my morning prayers, as I lay awake in bed. I have a small book-clip night light that I can turn on without disturbing Brian. I can read my prayer book or the Gospel or just talk to God. Of course, it is much harder to concentrate in this setting and my mind wanders a lot more but with effort, I can use it as time with God. Plus, after I am done I am ready to doze back of to sleep!
A friend of mine has the same problem of getting up early because she is nursing a newborn at all hours of the night. She also switched her morning prayer time to 2 or 3AM when she is up feeding her child.
You may have to be ingenious to fit in quiet time with God – during nap time, when the kids are playing outside, when you ware waiting to pick up your child from school but with a little (or often, a lot) of effort it can be done. If 30 minutes seems completely out of reach, start with 5 – 10 minutes. Work at it a little at a time. You’ll be less likely to give up when you hit the inevitable obstacles! The main goal is to stop making it a chore that you have to “fit in” to your day. Eventually you want it to become a sacred time between you and Christ and your day will revolve around that time, rather than the other way around.
Problem: I forget to pray the Angelus as noon.
Solution: If I am eating lunch at noon, I add it to my prayer before meals. Otherwise, I set the alarm on a watch or clock to go off at noon to remind me of the hour!
Problem: I am unable to go to daily Mass with Bella because it is held in a small chapel where every sound can be heard. Bella, being a rambunctious toddler, cannot sit still for longer than 5 minutes and insists on running around.
Solution: I know many children who are mild mannered and as early as two years old are able to look at a book or color quietly at church. Bella is not one of them. When I take her to daily Mass, she disrupts everyone in the small chapel and I am too stressed out to even pay attention to what is going on. I stopped going to Mass each day and will wait to return until Bella is a little older and can quietly stay busy for longer periods of time.
In the meantime, I want to instill a love of Jesus in the Eucharist not only in myself but also in Bella. So each day we try to make a short visit to Jesus in the tabernacle. (If I am running errands, I make sure my route passes our parish.) Bella goes in and kneels and we say a little prayer and then she sits down for five minutes looking at the songbook while I talk to Our Lord and make a spiritual communion. It may only be a few minutes but it is making its impression on me and on Bella.
In addition, Saturdays has become our day of quiet reflection with God. In the morning, Brian will attend Mass and stay for Adoration while I care for Bella. In return he watches Bella in the late morning while I go to the chapel to make a Holy Hour (or Holy Half-Hour) followed by noon Mass. For a long time, that bothered me - to leave them alone and "do my own thing." However, I soon realized that in the end it will help me be a better wife and mother. If I do not make my own spiritual life a priority, I certainly won't be able to help my husband and child on the road to heaven! Besides, after our Saturday prayer/Mass time we do something together as a family (usually outdoors) feeling refreshed physically, spiritually and emotionally. It really helps to bond our family even closer, particularly as a couple, when our spiritual life is on the right track.
UPDATE 1: Since writing this article a few months ago I have been faithfully taking Bella to the Chapel for a visit to Jesus. Now nearly 2 1/2 whenever we come near our parish she asks "Go see Dedus?" ("Jesus") I tell her yes and as she enters the chapel door, she tells me, "Shhh...kiet. ("quiet") She walks up to the altar rail and kneels down to say her little "prayer.”
I've really wanted to go back to daily Mass or at least go a few times a week but thought I'd have to wait until Bella was three and a bit more civilized. Thanks be to God, the wait is not needed. I started taking Bella to daily (or almost daily) Mass and she knows that she must be (relatively) quiet there. I believe having her visit the chapel often helped to foster a sense of quiet prayer in her and since the chapel was empty I could instruct her without disturbing others.
Even when she does act up, I just take her to the back of the chapel so she won’t be so distracting. If she is really fussy, I go outdoors with her. I may not be hearing the sermon or all the prayers but God knows that my heart is in the right place. My effort and struggle become my prayer and I still am able to receive Jesus in Holy Communion. (For more details, see the next problem.)
UPDATE 2: Bella is five and it is no longer an issue. We'll see how it goes with Baby #2!
Problem: I can't pay attention at Mass because I am trying to keep Bella quiet or letting her walk around outside so she won't disturb others.
Solution: This is a touchy subject with many parents and each family must do what they deem best. Brian and I feel it is important for us to go to Sunday Mass as a family, even if it means not being able to "fully" participate in the liturgy. Where we attend Mass (at the Carmel Mission) there is no "mommy's room" but there is a side section where we can stand and participate in the Mass or walk out into the garden with Bella, without disturbing anyone else. Brian and I begin Mass together with Bella and when she cannot stand to be still a moment longer, we begin our shifts. We take turns watching Bella so the other can pay attention without worry.
It is extremely helpful when we both have read and talked about the readings and Gospel beforehand. (Whether as a couple or individually in our own prayer groups.) This is a good idea for any Catholic to get more out of Mass, but even more so for a parent who is prone to be outside the church when the Gospel is being read!
Lastly, during the consecration we make sure that we both are inside the church. I usually have something in my pocket ready to distract Bella for a few minutes. This way we can both turn our minds to God completely as Jesus humbles Himself before our eyes. I admit that it takes a little work and effort but I know it must be pleasing to God, particularly when we try hard to do it in a spirit of love and devotion to Our Lord and our family.
UPDATE: There is nothing as reassuring as the phrase "and this too shall pass". Bella is now 2 1/2 and although antsy for an hour long Sunday Mass we are able to stay in a pew the entire time instead of taking her outside the church. We also found it very helpful to have a "church bag" that Bella brings to Mass. It contains things such as Prayer/Mass books for kids, a wooden rosary (we're still trying to teach Bella that a rosary is not a lasso), plastic holy cards etc to keep her busy. You can put together your own bag or order one online as we did. (See "Quiet Time Church Kit at Leafletmissal.org.)
UPDATE 2: Bella is five and still uses her Mass bag. We have added crayons and coloring books about Mass, Our Lady and the saints.
Problem: I don't have time to read scripture and meditate. There are too many other things to do first.
Solution: First - This is were priority comes in. A person must make the time for those things that are most important to them. I must be honest with myself. I can certainly forego 15 minutes of searching the web, or chatting on the phone, or watching TV in order to spend a little time with Our Lord. And in the morning if Bella wakes up before I have a chance to read the Gospel and meditate on it then I do it when she takes her nap. Once I force myself to get into the habit of this it becomes a natural thing.
Second - Very often, I have found that there IS time during the day but so much of it is wasted on "busyness" rather than actually getting things done. In my planner, I have a page for each day where I write down everything I need to get done that day from paying bills, to grocery shopping, to cleaning the bathroom to updating the website. I mark an "A" next to the things I must do that day and a "B" next to those that can wait until tomorrow if necessary. Then I plan my day accordingly. It's amazing how much more I can get done when I have a "plan of action" instead of stressing out and trying not to forget everything.
Third - As I mentioned before, there are days when I follow all the "steps" but 10 minutes of quiet meditation is just not happening right when I want it to be- so I have to be creative. This is when I remind myself that yes, quiet prayer is necessary each day but it is not the only form of prayer. My mind should be in a "state of prayer" all the time (I've still got a lot of work to do on that one). For example, when I am washing dishes I think about Our Lady and how she worked to make her home a loving and peaceful haven for Jesus and St. Joseph. When I am outside walking with Bella I turn my mind to God's magnificence, which is reflected in the beauty of nature. Or as I play with Bella I reflect on how I am a child of God and how I can better love my heavenly Father. In this way my prayer becomes a part of my being. And soon I find that carving out those 10 or 15 minutes in my schedule to just be alone with my Lord becomes much more important and much more doable!
Hopefully these suggestions are able to help you out. If you have an idea or suggestion of your own that you'd like to share let us know and we'll post them so others may benefit from them too! God bless!
* If Franklin Covey planners are too expensive for your budget you may want to look into the new line "365" they now carry in Target stores. I replaced my old F.C. planner with a new one for less than $25 at Target. And although I personally prefer the quality and workmanship of Franklin Covey, any brand of planner can be used. In fact, a simple spiral notebook will suffice, if you so choose!