Revolution of Love.com
HELP! I Have A Hard Time Praying Part I
by Bobbi
Since Brian and I write RoL is may be easy to assume that we have things together, spiritually speaking. After all, we are speaking often about prayer and the spiritual life and sharing our own experiences of our daily Christian walk. I do admire Brian's ability to pray and spend time with God. Although he has his own struggles, his soul seems to yearn for prayer and he is able to momentarily shut out the rest of the world and spend it in quiet communion with God. I, on the other hand, have difficulty finding time to pray, as well as staying focused while praying.
I admit that I do desire the quiet time with God but there always seems to be other things vying for my attention - some are worthy and some are time-wasting. When I do set aside prayer time, I'll often find that instead of meditating on my scripture, my mind is thinking of other things - what I need at the grocery store or the bank deposit I have to make or that I forgot to call my sister about something. A few minutes later I'll realize what I am doing and pull my mind back to my prayer once again. This pattern continues until I finally say forget it and give up.
I used to tell myself, "Well, God understands that I'm busy and don't have time to sit and pray for long. I'll just offer a quick morning offering and try to think about him during the day." Funny by the end of the day I realize I hardly thought about God. In fact, on the days when I did not make time for prayer, I found myself more prone to vices such as grouchiness, impatience or moodiness. The other night I went to bed thinking about this and I knew I had to stop this endless cycle. I cannot kid myself - prayer must have a high…no make that "top"… priority in my life, without excuses. Granted being a wife, and now a mother, and freelancing at home limits my free time, but if I were to look very carefully I see a number of occasions during the day when I waste time. I can fit more prayer in; I just don't like the effort it takes to do so.
I decided to look over my usual daily routine. I noted that in the morning I usually get up earlier than Bella in order to get a head start on the day's chores or on a writing assignment for work. I chose instead to say my morning prayers and have a short meditation. I'll read a small passage from Scripture or a favorite spiritual book and then think it over, focusing on one thing to work on throughout the day. I get this done within 15 minutes and then tackle my daily work. If Bella wakes up earlier than I expect, I try to continue my meditation while feeding Bella her morning bottle. Later at noon, I refresh my mind and soul by taking a moment to say the Angelus. In the evening I say my rosary with Brian. At night I should end my day with some prayer but to be honest with you, I am still working on that. It just seems to get lost in the shuffle and I go to bed mumbling a few words to God before falling asleep.
The point is that I cannot survive without centering my day on prayer. It's unrealistic for me to think I can spend hours a day in meditation but it is just as unrealistic to think that I will grow spiritually without working on my prayer life. I can say that I will offer up my daily actions as prayer to God, but I'm not in the right attitude or disposition to do that unless I have a foundation of prayer to begin with.
By beginning my day with prayer I am able to turn my mind to God throughout the day and I'm better able to handle with the right attitude the daily crosses that come my way. But don't think that I have it all together! There are days when I feel like my relationship with God is going great and I get joy out of praying and doing my daily tasks for Him. Then there are days when I just want to scream and forget about it. We all feel that way at times; I'm learning and struggling with you. As I grow and mature spiritually, I'm slowly learning not only to love God more but to also desire Him more each day.
How does all this relate to you? You may not be a working-at-home mom but perhaps you're a single person working full time or a college student working part time or a father working extra hours to make ends meet. Whatever the situation, I challenge you to look at your day and take inventory of how much time you actually spend with God. Granted, it's the "quality" not the "quantity" but can you really count on saying grace before meals and a prayer before a big test or job interview as "quality" prayer? Or maybe you have already been working at it…trying to go to Mass more often than Sunday, visiting Jesus in Adoration for a few minutes each day or saying your daily rosary during your commute to work; that's great!
However, don't be surprised if the more time you carve out of your day for God the more often He will gently whisper your name when you think you're too busy. He is like a persistent lover who wants to spend every waking minute with you telling you that He loves you and that He is always at your side. He wants to deepen His relationship with you so you can fall more in love with Him.
So challenge yourself and see if your prayer life could use a little cleaning up. If you haven't been praying at all, start slowly and begin with 5-10 minutes when you wake up and before you go to bed. You can say a decade of the rosary or another favorite prayer but always be sure to spend some of the time just talking to God. It may feel funny at first but it will become easier, especially if you ask God to help you! He's waiting for you.
For those of you who already have a prayer life going, perhaps you would like to deepen your prayer or stay more focused during it. Ask the Holy Spirit what you need to work on or what you can do to come closer to God. He will let you know. For me, I'm going to first work on consistently praying each day and establishing my evening prayer. After that I'll tackle staying more focused during meditation. I'll let you know how it goes in the next issue! Oh, and for all of you who have mastered the art of praying & need no improvement in that area, please say some prayers for me!!
"Pray perseveringly, be attentive to prayer, and pray in a spirit of thanksgiving." (1Thess. 4:2)
Click here for Help! I Have A Hard Time Praying: Part II.