Revolution of Love.com
In the Hands of Our Father:
The Story of Madison Rose
by Gwen
Two Little Lines
There's nothing quite like the breath taking, jaw dropping, jumping up and down, dance inducing, happy tear, cha- ching, pure, unadulterated, wonderful experience of seeing the appearance of two little lines on a little stick! This is a story of continuing trust, hope, and learning to wait upon the Lord.
God surprised my husband and me with the blessing of a baby three weeks after we were married. I was incredibly excited and somewhat scared at the same time. The fact that I was now a mom became very real to me, and suddenly I wasn't sure I was prepared! So many changes in my life were happening so fast. But I realized that God willed this child into existence; it was no surprise to Him. I knew that He would take care of us and that I had nothing to fear. And so I let my excitement take over. Jimmy and I told our family and friends who received the news with great joy. It was as much fun as telling people we were engaged!
Life Turns Upside Down
All that joy and excitement turned upside down a couple weeks later, however, when I suffered a miscarriage. My heart sank to depths that took a long time from which to recover. Any woman who has endured a miscarriage knows the pain...not only physical, but the deep sorrow and grief over the loss of your child for whom you can do nothing to save. It does not matter that the baby was but a few weeks old, for the mother-child bond begins before she even knows that tiny heart is beating within her.
The Longing of A Mother's Heart
From that point on, there was nothing I wanted more than to become a mother again. Each new month I would get my hopes up that maybe this would finally be the month, and each month I was disappointed. I began to worry that something was wrong and a huge fear began to stare me in the face each time I realized that I was not pregnant. I began to fear that Jimmy and I would never be able to have children of our own and this thought caused me great anxiety. I felt as though our many prayers for children were falling on deaf ears and became very frustrated about the situation over which I had no control.
Once around Christmastime, after receiving Our Lord in Holy Communion, I begged Him to send a child to Jimmy and me. I heard an answer quietly within my heart, which told me that we would have children, but I would have to wait a while. And that while would seem like a very long wait to me, but in the end would not be long at all. Jesus' response consoled me. But then I began to ponder what He meant my a "while." What was a "while" to God? Did not the Blessed Mother at Fatima tell Lucia that she was to remain on Earth for a "while?" Now she's nearly 100! My trust began to falter, and I started to worry that perhaps I made up what Jesus spoke to my heart and we would not have children after all. The pain of thinking we might not be able to have children of our own was very great indeed.
The year went by and two of my sisters-in-law as well as several friends of mine became pregnant. I was happy for them, but at the same time it made my trial seem all the more difficult. Attending their baby showers and seeing all the baby items made me want my own all the more. But I knew I just had to trust, and pray, and wait upon the Lord. Thankfully he sent me a husband who has the excellent talent to strengthen me when I am weak!
A Prayer of Hope
Jimmy and I celebrated our first anniversary at his parent's cabin in the Sierras. The day before our anniversary we went fishing and were the only people out at a quiet lake on a beautiful day. We talked about our marriage and our favorite things that had happened over the past year. We talked about our hopes and dreams. Then one of us mentioned how nice it would be if next year on our anniversary we could come back to the same spot, only with a little baby to join us. We decided to make it the prayer of our anniversary that the following year we could celebrate it with a baby. The following day, Sunday, was our first anniversary and as usual, we went to Mass. The first reading was 2 Kings 4: 8-16. The story is of Elisha who stayed at the house of a kind woman every year on his journey. He wanted to repay her, but her servant told him that she was in need of nothing, except that she had no children. And so Elisha promised her that the following year at that time, she would be fondling a son. When I heard the reading, I nudged Jimmy with my elbow because I knew it was meant for us.
We have a rose bush in our back yard that I once nearly tore out. It's tiny and scrawny, and I had never seen it bloom. One day I asked St. Therese to send a rose to me as a reminder that we would have children one day and that God was hearing Jimmy's and my numerous petitions to heaven for this gift. I was out in the yard later on, and as I was passing by, just happened to see a little yellow rose right at my feet. It was on the same little bush that I nearly got rid of. I knew at that moment, it was St. Therese's reassurance in answer to my prayer.
Aside from St. Therese using that little bush to send me a reminder, the next time I saw roses on it was in October on the day before Jimmy's birthday. We had gotten up early because we were supposed to visit the doctor for testing to see if we had fertility problems. Jimmy didn't want to go. I had postponed the appointment a couple of times for him, but since it had been well over a year with no success of getting pregnant I thought it prudent to see if something was wrong. Neither of us was thrilled about the idea, but perhaps God wanted us to endure this suffering.
Blessed Are They That Trust in the Lord
I decided that morning to take a pregnancy test, even though my NFP chart showed no indication of pregnancy. Jimmy prayed in the shower that morning, "God can't you please make her pregnant so we don't have to go to this stupid meeting?!" When he got out, I told him the test hadn't put my mind at ease. I was confused by it because it looked like it might be positive, but the line was so faint I couldn't tell if it was the shadow of an indentation or if I was seeing things or what. After all, I knew that I just COULDN'T be pregnant anyway. Jimmy read over the instructions and looked at the test several times. Then he said, "Looks positive to me!" I reminded him that it couldn't possibly be positive. I didn't want to get my hopes up. We decided that I should take another test and see. The second one came out clearly positive right away. We just stared at each other with big eyes and open mouths! Then we laughed and smiled and hugged and called each other "mama" and "papa", and to Jimmy's delight, didn't have to go to the doctor after all! Then we noticed out in the back yard that St. Therese had sent some happy little yellow roses on that same bush to remind us that God was always listening to our prayers.
After finding out I was pregnant, a whole new trial of trust began. First I was worried that I would never be able to get pregnant again, and then I worried about another miscarriage. I had a couple of bleeding episodes that brought me a great deal of stress. I just kept remembering the reading on our anniversary and reminded myself that I would be holding the baby when our anniversary came around the next year. I repeated to myself over and over St. Elizabeth's words to the Blessed Mother "Blessed is she who trusted that the Lord's words to her would be fulfilled." As the weeks went on my fear slowly gave way to trust in God. I had a very easy pregnancy with few complaints and very little sickness.
One day while looking at the calendar, it occurred to me that Father's Day was just a couple of days before my due date. I thought it would be so neat if the baby was born on Father's Day. It would certainly be a gift that Jimmy would never forget. So I presented the petition to God in prayer, without mentioning it to Jimmy. Everyone was speculating as the when the baby would come. Most people told me it would be late, being my first child and all. One day after Mass Jimmy looked at me and said "Father's Day." I said "Father's Day what?" He responded "The baby will come on Father's Day." I asked what made him think that, but he didn't know. I did though. As I got closer to my due date, the doctor didn't agree. He told me I'd be back in his office the following week and we could discuss options to help induce labor. I was bummed, but the night before Father's Day I suggested to Jimmy that we go to Mass just in case the baby came and that way we wouldn't miss Mass.
A Gift for Daddy
During Mass I felt some funny pains, but didn't think much of it. Afterward we went out to dinner and the funny pains became stronger and more regular. I figured it was just "practice contractions" and didn't want to get Jimmy excited over nothing. But he saw me wince a couple of times and asked what was wrong. I told him and he got all excited just like I knew he would. After we got home though, it became apparent that this wasn't any false labor. Two little yellow roses were blooming on the scrawny bush (which we hadn't seen since the positive test). We cut them, stuck them in a jar, and headed off to the hospital. Fourteen hours later we had a beautiful baby girl born after the sun rose on Father's Day morning.
The Blessing of My Life
Madison Rose is a beautiful, happy and active baby. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life and I wouldn't trade her for anything. Hindsight is 20/20 so they say, and looking back I can appreciate God's wisdom in the time He gave to Jimmy and me before sending Maddie. It's a reminder that as far as the Heavens are above the earth, so are God's ways above our ways. We never need to fear. We never need to worry. Life is much easier when we place everything in the hands of Our Father. This is especially true for family planning. As our story shows, you may be blest with a child when you didn't intend one, but at the same time there is no guarantee that you will be given a child when you plan to have one. God is in charge and His designs are inscrutable. Trusting completely in the Lord is certainly easier said than done, but it's a tough lesson to learn the hard way! So now, hmmmnnn, when it comes to baby number two.....just kidding!
Gwen is a guest writer for RoL. She lives in Southern California with her husband Jimmy and three children.
Also Read:
Our How We Met Story: A Tale of a Rose by Gwen and Jimmy