Revolution of Love.com
Helpful Tips for New Mamas & Mamas-to-Be
by Bobbi & Gwen
Trust Yourself but Know Your Limits
Trust Your Instinct
Every new mother wants to do everything perfectly and give their child the best start possible. In that quest, you can be overwhelmed by advice, experts, and the "correct" way to do things. You'll find that two different experts give opposite advice and both sound reasonable. The bottom line is to take advice graciously and try what sounds good to you. Trust your instinct, and don't worry about screwing up your kid by doing something wrong. Unless you are the Blessed Mother, no mom has done everything right. Motherhood is a matter of trial and error. Love is the most important thing you can give your baby, and that will come through in all the things you do for your baby...even in the dirty diapers! So in the words of the great St. Padre Pio, "pray, hope, and don't worry!" (Gwen)
Roll with the Punches
When I was pregnant with Bella I had my mind set on the type of birth I wanted (natural) and the type of parenting I would follow (attached). However, we were in for a surprise when Bella arrived a month early – on the day of her baby shower! The birth experience was a blur as they had to quickly deliver Bella and get her to the NICU immediately. There was no instant bonding, nursing or holding Bella after birth as I anticipated. Even when she was finally released from the hospital, I had to make adjustments – she had to be kept indoors for a month, she wouldn’t latch on so I had to pump around the clock and supplement, I gave in and embraced the formally-banned pacifiers, etc. All my “plans of proper parenting” went out the window. There are times when you have to learn to trust your instinct and do what is best for your family, regardless of all the “helpful” advice people offered. (Bobbi)
Take Time to Recover
Everyone is different. I was fortunate enough that my husband was able to take the first week off work for family bonding and to take care of us. Even though I had an uncomplicated delivery, I felt like $#@$#@ the first week, and really didn't start feeling up to speed until Maddie was about 3 weeks old. I know there are those ladies who labor in the fields, run to the house to deliver the baby, do a few jumping jacks, and run right back out to the fields to finish the day's work. I, however, was not one of them! Listen to your body and don't push yourself. In the long run it'll pay off when you're feeling better sooner and more able to deal with the new challenges in your life. (Gwen)
Let the Machine Get It
When it comes to visitors, whether in the hospital or at home, it is okay to limit the amount of company you have. At the hospital have one relative or friend be your “spokesperson.” He or she can let family and friends know when they are welcome to visit and when they should let you be. There is nothing worse than finally falling asleep for some much-needed rest only to be awakened by well-intentioned, but ill-timed, visitors. Once you are home, feel free to change your answering machine message to say something like - mommy and baby are doing well but taking some time off to get to know each other better or they are getting some much-needed rest and they’ll get back to you in a few days (or however long you need.) (Bobbi)
Don't Compare Yourself or Your Baby to Others
If you do, you and your baby will inevitably end up with the short end of the stick. All babies grow and develop differently. They all have different temperaments and personalities because they are all unique and unrepeatable creations of God's wisdom and love. It's easy to feel like an incompetent mother, especially when you've never been one before. Instead of seeing how much better everyone else appears to be, focus on the beautiful gifts and talents God gave to you as a mother and the wonderful things about your baby. I have a banner that says "Happy are those who consider themselves supremely blessed!" There is much truth to that statement, and there is no greater blessing than that of a new life. No one else could possibly be a better mother to your baby than you, or God would have given him/her to someone else. (Gwen)
Carve Out A Little Me Time
Nothing is as physically and emotionally consuming than giving birth and raising a newborn. After spending all day speaking baby-talk you will crave a few minutes to chat with another adult. Or you’d like 10 minutes to shower and maybe even (gasp) wash your hair. Or you just need 5 minutes to pray alone and get some much needed strength from Our Lord. There were times when I felt guilty because I wasn’t just “offering it up.” God knows our limits and he knows we all need a break now and then to regroup. Make your needs known and ask for help. (And don’t expect your husband to be able to read your mind! More likely than not, you’ll need to voice your needs!) Let your husband or your mom watch the baby for an hour. Take up your friend’s offer to come over and help with the laundry or bring over a cooked meal. And if you are alone and can’t take the baby’s crying one more minute, go ahead and leave her in her crib and walk out of the room for a few minutes to calm yourself down. No mom can do it ALL by herself! (Bobbi)
Let Daddy Have A Chance to Learn
It is only natural for the mom to be the one to do the brunt of the baby care work since she is usually the one home all day with the baby. Talk with your husband and let him know that although he has had a hard day at work and wants to come home and rest, you have had a hard day at home without any lunch or coffee breaks to get away from it all. Without nagging, work out a routing in which you can get some free time and he can take care of the baby. With that said, once your husband does care for the child, resist the temptation to correct everything he does. You can show him the basics but then let him find his own way (as long as it’s not harmful for the baby!) A father will be more likely to want to help if every five minutes he doesn’t hear – “That’s not the way I do it” or “You’re doing it wrong.” So what if he burps the baby on his lap instead of over the shoulder or he mismatches the buttons on the baby’s nightgown. Just bite your tongue, go get your rest and just be happy he loves your baby and you! (And afterwards give him a kiss and tell him thanks for his help – when he sees you in a happier mood he’ll be even more willing to help you out more!) (Bobbi)
At Your Fingertips
Make A Nursing Nest
Choose a spot where you feel most comfortable breastfeeding, whether it be a rocking chair or the corner of the couch. Keep everything you will need within arm's length - burp cloths, boppie pillow, book or remote control, your water bottle, phone, etc. It'll make life easier, particularly if there's no one around to help you out. (Bobbi)
Portable Essentials
Unless you plan to live in your baby's nursery, have a portable "changing area" carried in a basket, bag, or bin. Put the essentials you use often such as diapers, wipes, alcohol, cotton swabs, changing pad, change of clothes etc in the basket so you will be ready to change your baby whether you are upstairs downstairs or at the other end of the house. (Bobbi)
Have A Spare
Pack a diaper bag with all essentials and keep it at the places were you spend a lot of time with your baby such as your parents' home, your sister's or even the family car. (Bobbi)
Hold onto the Tags
New babies inspire great generosity in family and friends in the form of baby shower gifts. There will inevitably be a duplicate gift or the cutest, tiny baby romper that will never fit your 9 lb bundle of joy! When you receive a gift receipt with a gift, tape it to the box of the item (if it's something like a car seat) or if it's clothing attach/pin the receipt to the outfit or staple it to the price tag. This will make exchanges so much easier! (Bobbi)
Keep It Simple
Choose Easy-Access Clothing
I've learned the hard way that the most adorable baby outfit isn't necessarily the most practical outfit! Make sure baby clothing has easy access to the diaper area, ample room for the head to fit in, and easy snap buttons that work while a baby is trying to squirm away. (Bobbi)
Get Things Second Hand
It's easy to have the impulse to hit Babies 'R Us and buy everything cute, fresh, and brand new for your little one. But you should resist that urge. That's not to say that you shouldn't get anything new for the baby. However, I was able to get beautiful, top of the line nursery furniture out of the PennySaver for about 1/4 the price that a friend of mine paid for the exact same set. The difference? The lady's baby had made a couple of barely noticeable bite scratches on one of the crib rails! I've also gotten beautiful clothes from garage sales and hand me downs from friends and family. Babies grow out of things so fast that often times they can't even wear all the outfits they have. I'm not saying don't be discriminating, but you can get like new items for a fraction of a new price. (Gwen)
Don't Worry about Supplying An Endless Stream of Toys
It seems that kids in our society always wind up with too many toys as it is. In most cases, grandparents alone will give more than what baby needs! The old adage is true that in most cases the child would rather play with the box than the toy. That's not to say that you shouldn't get them any toys, but a few simple ones will do it...probably the simpler the better. Some of the her toys are of more interest to me than Maddie. She'll play with them briefly, but then be off to explore something new. So keep the toy clutter at a reasonable level and rest assured that your child will have no problem finding something to entertain him/herself with! (Gwen)
Household Hints
Let It Look “Lived In" But Vacuum Often
Accept that it's okay for your house not to be perfectly clean. Snuggles with your baby will mean much more to both of you in the long run than whether or not the mirror has toothpaste spots on it. However, vacuum often or if you don't, your little one will wind up "vacuuming" for you! But chances are you don't want them eating every little speck, string, crumb, fuzz, piece of hair, and whatever else they will encounter. And yes, they can and will find everything! It's worth it to make cleaning the floors a couple times a week part of your schedule. And if that's not possible, men are very good with vacuums! (Gwen)
Befriend Your Crockpot
I would rather get meal preparation out of the way early in the day when I have some energy and a slight desire to do it, and not have to think about it for the rest of the day. Crockpot meals are usually fairly simple to make, healthy, and save a lot of time. It's so nice at the end of the day when you don't have to worry about making something for dinner, but can lift the lid and have it piping hot and ready to serve! (Gwen)
Cherish the Moments
Enjoy Being A Mom
Find something that you look forward to for yourself every day, and make it part of your routine. Taking a walk with your baby allows you both to get some fresh air and can break up the monotony of everyday life. (Gwen)
Mommy Journal
When I was pregnant with Bella I kept a journal for her. I would write letters telling her how I felt, how she was growing, and what was going on in my life at the moment. After her birth, journaling was the least of my concerns but I still manage to make an entry on special occasions or when her beauty and inquisitiveness really touch me. One day the journal will be a gift to Bella that she can always treasure. (Bobbi)
Take Lots of Pictures!
For us, it was worth it to invest in a digital camera. But even if you can't, if there's something you'll regret later on, it won't be the money you spent on pictures. Instead it will be how fast your little one grew up and how quickly memories fade as time passes. Pictures give you the ability to capture a moment of time that will never be again. I love flipping through photo albums and looking at my framed photos! There's nothing like a picture to help you cherish happy experiences. You'll also be amazed at how quickly your baby changes and doesn't even look like the one you brought home from the hospital! Remember that often everyday, life experiences can be even more fun to look back on than posed photos. So make sure you have fun with your camera! (Gwen)
The Budding Artist/Writer
When I was shopping at a book store I found a pretty blank drawing book on clearnace. I bought it and use it as a drawing book for Bella. Every few months I let her draw a picture in it with her crayons (now that she'd past the "eating them" stage). In years to come she'll be able to look back on her progress as a little artist. When she is older she can also progress to adding little stories to go with her pictures. It will reinforce not only her creativity but her learning skills as well. (Bobbi)
Bobbi is webmaster of RoL and mother of two.
Gwen is a guest writer for RoL. She lives in Southern California with her husband and three children.