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priesthood & religious life

sr. maria juanita

A Little Voice in My Heart Said, 'This Is It'

by Sr. Maria Juanita

It all started in Lent of 1998. I felt like there was something missing in my life. I was 26 years old at the time and something inside me was so sad. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I attended Church (almost) every Sunday but I really did not know much about the Catholic faith. I did not have any prayer life and I was living a very worldly life. Finally, the day before Lent in February of 1998 and I had enough of feeling sad and miserable. I fell down to my knees and cried out to God to help me. I really wanted to change my life, but I couldn't do it on my own.

The next day I went to Mass and Confession, feeling alone, empty and drained. Our parish priest announced that every Friday during Lent there would be Stations of the Cross followed by Benediction. At the time, I couldn't even remember what Benediction was but I had asked God to help me, so I figured I had better go. I went to the Stations of the Cross and after Benediction I just felt like there was something very special about it. It reminded me of when I was a little girl in Catholic elementary school. I decided that every Friday during Lent I would attend the upcoming parish mission.

The following week I went to the mission talk, which started with the rosary and was followed by Mass. The Dominican priest who gave the mission was wonderful! I had never heard a priest talk so boldly about the Catholic faith. I wanted to hear more so I attended the following four days, which included daily Mass. From that point on I started attending daily Mass regularly. At the end of the mission I went to talk to the priest and told him that I wasn't very happy with the way I had been living my life. I explained that I wanted to change and have a more personal relationship with God because I didn't know Him. He was very kind and told me to pray the rosary everyday and ask Jesus' Mother to help me. He also recommended I go talk to my parish priest and ask him if there was any group I could join, such as a bible study. Looking back, I am so grateful to God for bringing this holy priest into my life.

The following week I introduced myself to the pastor of my church, Reverend Father Louis Marx. I told him a little about myself and how I wanted to be more involved in the church. He was so kind to me and listened patiently. He explained that there weren't any parish groups but that there was a young man named Steve who wanted to start a young adult singles group at the parish. He suggested that I join him and my heart just about stopped! I did not feel qualified to start a group. Fr. Marx saw the expression on my face and told me not to worry, but to think about it. Despite my protest he suggested that I simply talk to Steve before making a decision and that he would pray for me. I meekly agreed.

I later met with Steve, who was so excited about starting a group. He felt that our parish needed something like this but it was hard to find other persons our age to get something started. With a sigh I agreed to help him. If I wasn't praying before, I sure started now! I was very nervous about it, but we met for almost three months to start planning. We decided we would start the group at the beginning of summer on the feast of Corpus Christi.

In the meantime I was attending daily mass and had started a new job. My life looked as if I was going in the right direction. One day after Mass, about a month after my initial conversion, I saw a flyer at the back of the church that said "Discern Your Vocation". It was a day of discernment lead by the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus in Los Angeles, California. It was for young men and women between the ages of 18 and 35 years old, to discern if one was called to the religious, married or single life. Although I was a little hesitant because I couldn't believe that there actually were nuns still out in the world, I decided to go.

I attended the Discernment Day during the middle of March. It was a beautiful experience and the Carmelite sisters were so joyous and full of life! What surprised me most was that so many of them were young. I immediately felt drawn to them. The day went very well and I was enlightened to the fact that Our Lord calls each of us to a vocation, whether it is single, married or consecrated religious. At the end of the day a wonderful sister named Sister Gloria Therese gave me information on a young women's group called "The Handmaidens". They were single women between the ages of 18 to 35 years old who meet twice a month to discuss spirituality, prayer, and scripture. It saw it as an opportunity to grow in my Catholic Faith so I started attending the Handmaidens. It was another blessing in my life.

Steve and I were making progress with our work and we decided that the Young Adult Singles group would meet two to three times a month. It would be a combination of social event, spiritual growth and helping our community. I told the Sisters about the group and they were delighted. They referred me to other young adult groups in or near my area so I was able to attend a few meetings and get a feel for what they were doing. I am thankful to God that we had so many persons praying for us. Our home parish was also very generous about advertising at the other parishes. After many prayers and much planning the big day came.

About ten people came to our first meeting and I was truly blessed to meet such fervent and holy young Catholics. The day went incredibly well and I met some of the most wonderful friends who I am still close to today. The group lasted for about two years and at least at one point there were up to thirty members. During that time I really started to learn more about the Catholic faith and recognized that it was truly a treasure.

By the middle of the summer, I truly felt like my life was turning for the better. I was attending daily mass, spending time with the young adults and was more active in my parish. In my heart I really wanted to get married and have a family and share my life with someone. I spoke to Sr. Gloria Therese and she suggested that I pray to Our Lord to ask Him what vocation He would like me to have. I started praying more and said many novenas to angels and saints.

During mid-summer my mother and I went for the first time to the National Family Conference in Long Beach, CA sponsored by St. Joseph's Communications. This was the turning point in my vocation. I was so inspired by all the speakers that were there including: Scott and Kimberly Hahn, Fr. Bill Casey, Fr. Thomas Dubay, Fr. Mitch Pacwa and Tim Staples to name a few. They all had such a passionate love and knowledge of the Catholic Church. I never realized that I was such an uninformed Catholic and that I was missing out on so much. On the last day of the Conference I went into one of the rooms which had been converted into a Chapel with the Blessed Sacrament and I spent some quiet time with Our Lord. When I left the Chapel nothing mystical or supernatural happened but I really felt within me that Our Lord was tugging at my heart and that I should start looking into the Religious Life.

I returned to Sr. Gloria Therese and told her what was on my heart. I remarked to her that everything in my life was starting to turn around and it was happening so fast. She suggested that I not rush into anything but to keep praying and find a spiritual director to help me with my discernment.

I asked Fr. Marx, my parish priest, to help me discern where Our Lord was leading me and kindly agreed. He advised me not to rush into any decisions, however, he suggested that I look into different communities and visit them. He also suggested that I look into a contemplative cloister, which surprised me. I couldn't imagine giving your life totally to God in such a special and unique way. Interestingly, the very first religious community that he recommended was Mother Angelica and the Poor Clare nuns of Perpetual Adoration in Alabama. At the time I had never hard of Mother Angelica and I thought Alabama was too far.

Over the next two years I visited various religious communities such as The Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, The Missionaries of Charity, The Trinitarians of Mary, a Poor Clare and a Carmelite Cloister. At times it was very trying and discouraging because even though these communities were very beautiful and holy, I just didn't feel like they were where I was supposed to be. Finally, in September of 1999 I found a beautiful Carmelite Community in Georgetown, California. They were such a joyful and loving community. I put in an application to enter and was accepted. I entered in October, but just after three weeks I knew it was not where I belonged either. The community was wonderful but I knew I did not fit, or perhaps I still wasn't ready for religious life.

Another year passed and I was no longer looking seriously into religious life, however, during most of my vacations I would spend time with different communities. I reflected that over the course of three years different persons would tell me that I should look into Mother Angelica's Community, including my spiritual director. Finally at the end of the Jubilee year in December of 2000 I wrote to the Novice Mistress of the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration in Alabama. I received a letter six weeks later saying that I could come and visit.

I first came to visit for two days in March of 2001 and then a second time for five days in May. Driving up the pathway as soon as I saw the Monastery a little voice in my heart said, "This is it." I first met the extern sisters and they were wonderful. However, my heart was set on the cloister so for four days during my second visit I spend time with the cloistered sisters. I knew after the first day that this was my new home and by the end of the week I deeply felt called to this community. At the end of my visit Mother Vicar, the superior under Mother Angelica asked if I would like to join the community. My heart was overjoyed and I said yes. She spoke to Mother Angelica and the council members of the community. I had an interview with them and they agreed to accept me. My entrance date was August 15, 2001.

It was a long journey to find my home and discern God's will for me but I am so grateful to Him for the grace of perseverance He gave me and for all the good people and religious that I met along the way. Knowing God's will is not always easy to discern but with faith, hope, and trust He will always lead you the right way.

God bless you,
Sr. Maria Juanita

For more information about Mother Angelica's Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration log onto: http://www.olamshrine.com/olam/nuns.htm.

If you think God may be calling you to the religious life or the priesthood or you simply have questions, log onto www.vocation.com.